Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
