I cannot find my penis.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
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I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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