I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
