I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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