Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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