I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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