Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
