it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
