absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
