dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
