ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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