When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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