I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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