my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
