It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
