I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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