Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
