the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
