you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
