I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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