I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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