i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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