My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
