fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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