He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's official drugs can't kill me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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