yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
