We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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