Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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