and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
