the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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