Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
