I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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