I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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