where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
