Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
