Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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