My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
