margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
