I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
someone owes me an orgasm
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
