So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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