This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
