dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
