how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
