I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
