He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
