Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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