what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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