I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
