legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
