I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
