He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
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Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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