I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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