does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
