you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
