Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
