she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
