I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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