You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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