oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
