Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
