I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
