this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
