the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
