i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
