I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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