My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
