HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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