we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
